Mat Rempits

In the past 17 days of on call in my clinic, I've aldy encountered a few Mat Rempits who came to my clinic in a bloody state. I was wondering if I really should sacrifice my beauty sleep to entertain these suicidal idiots, and since they were so enthusiastic to get themselves killed, would it be better to let them taste a bit of the noxious fruits they sow. Still, it's my humble duty to treat the needy, no matter how idiotic they could be, hence unconditionally I lay my agonizing healing hands on them when they seek for help.

So, just an hour ago, I had 3 motorbike accidents which incidentally happened in 3 different places around my clinics. Still, although the locations vary, but still they were all minors, with no helmet fastened on their head, with driving skills comparable to a rabid baboon.

And it was this one that sustained the worst of my sardonism.

Me: Kenapa Puan? Accident pula ke?

Mother: Ya doktor. Anak saya accident tadi.

Me: Malam buta-buta pun accident, mesti rempit lah ni.

Mother: Tak tau lah.. anak ni baru bulan 5 saje kena accident dan tulang tangan kiri dia retak.

Me: Amboi. Dah patah tangan pun nak rempit lagi. Nak mati ke?

So I was determined to give this kid an experience of a lifetime. And there this scrawny 14 year old kid climbed onto the examination bed, not knowing of the horrors awaiting him. 

Me: Jatuh macam mana tadi?

Patient: Tak ingat-lah.

Me: So you tak ingat apa berlaku lah? Ada pengsan ke?

Patient: Tak tau. Saya tak ingat langsung.

Me: Ok tak apa. Sekarang ada sakit dada, sakit perut, sesak nafas, sakit leher, sakit belakang atau mata kabur tak? (I spilled everything out in one puff)

Patient: Tak ada. Tangan saya sakit teruk. Tolong saya doktor.

Me: Saya rasa tangan ni patah teruk. 

Patient: Betul ke doktor? Tapi saya nampak luka tu luar saja.

Me: Kalau luka biasa takkan sakit teruk kan?

Patient: Yalah doktor. Sangat sakit. (Started screaming and yelling like hell)

Me: Jangan jerit-jerit. Ini saya bagi ubat tahan sakit sikit. (Jab his ass with some IM Ibuprofen)

Patient: Sakit.... sakit... tolong... sakit...

Me: Jangan bising. Saya nak cuci luka awak.  Duduk diam saja.

Patient: Doktor cuci ngan apa? Sakitnya. Tolong.

Me: Sebab kau luka teruk saya tengah cuci ngan asid kuat ni. Nak bunuh semua kuman.
Patient: Apa? Asid? Tolong. Sakit. Tolong.

Me: Kalau ni betul asid, kau dah mati dah. Ini air garam saja. Jangan gerak, nanti lagi sakit.

Patient: Oh bukan asid? Dah tak berapa sakit dah. Nampak kawan saya tak?

Me: Kawan mana pula?

Patient: Saya rasa ada kawan saya ikut saya naik motor tadi. Mana dia?

Me: I tak tau. Setakat ini awak saja yang muncul kat  kelinik ini. Kalau kawan awak tak ada tu, sama ada dia okay takde cedera langsung, atau dia dah mati terus dan mayat dia tidak dijumpai lagi.

Patient: (Starts sobbing even louder)
Me: Itulah. 4 bulan lepas dah rempit accident tak takut lagi. Suka sangat ke nak cari mati.

Patient: Arghh... Kawan saya hilang... Arrgh...

Next time probably I should just rub salt into the wounds instead of using saline water.